From experience: it works, and can be an effective tactic when no other options are available.
Long-term, it can be hard to sustain, and maybe a bit unhealthy – it becomes a form of self-betrayal, where you repeatedly suppress genuine negative feelings about dealing with someone difficult. These feelings are there for a reason, even if expressing them with the person triggering them would be counterproductive.
Also, in more extreme cases, the sort of people who are prone to creating drama and conflict pick up on the technique and make it into a battle of wills – who will break and give up first. And they may be a lot better at it than you are, because for them it is a central feature of their personality, and for you it's just a tactic for immediate relief.
Well said. In essence grey rocking itself is a form of defensive manipulation. Most of us are prosocial and find it really laborious to keep up. It's an ok tactic when communication is ineffective or harmful. It is probably a bad idea to use it with someone you simply have a point of friction with. It can be hard to know the difference sometimes though.
Grey rock is a very valuable technique, but also often a symptom of having low boundaries yourself. It can be exciting to have the attention of a grandiose person at first, but having people you can't say no to is a huge problem.
I like the idea of a Yellow Rock, still shining, smiling and being the positive old self, just giving absolutely nothing in return for toxic behavior... In my situation, morale improved across the department and the mental beatings came to an end.
Grey Rock method worked against a particularly toxic work conflict that was keeping me awake at night... but... the reality was that it produced zero work results for any of us.
I had a difficult family member who used to give drama, telling intense and fantastical stories. My go to word just became a simple ‘Yikes’ and then silence.
After a while they tended not to talk to me at family functions.
I use it when dealing with over-sharers or people who are after a reaction and attention.
What a dramatic way to describe not participating in drama.
Give it a name, capitolized even, and exhortation to embody it (a lack of reaction) with all your might...
It's kind of like how religious people can only conceptualize atheism as the atheist religion. Atheists don't even use the lower-case word atheism, since that already makes an absense of a thing into a thing. The same way they aren't alunafromagists (don't believe the moon is made of cheese).
Not really. Stoicism is first and foremost about how you deal with yourself. Gray-rocking is a tactic for dealing with others. I suppose it fits with Stoicism in that dealing effectively with others can be good for you.
It’s different in application. Grey-rocking is where you maintain firm boundaries but otherwise refuse to engage in drama.
This has the effect of completely disabling people who thrive on causing drama, or people like my neighbour who only seem to be content when everyone else is making accommodations for her poorly-behaved kid and/or telling her how hard her life must be.
People like that will decide one day that they’re not getting enough attention so they will create situations where they have the opportunity to be offended about $issueDuJour. Grey-rocking prevents them from their parasocial behavior using you as leverage.
Long-term, it can be hard to sustain, and maybe a bit unhealthy – it becomes a form of self-betrayal, where you repeatedly suppress genuine negative feelings about dealing with someone difficult. These feelings are there for a reason, even if expressing them with the person triggering them would be counterproductive.
Also, in more extreme cases, the sort of people who are prone to creating drama and conflict pick up on the technique and make it into a battle of wills – who will break and give up first. And they may be a lot better at it than you are, because for them it is a central feature of their personality, and for you it's just a tactic for immediate relief.
Anyone having these sorts of people problems I would highly recommend https://youtube.com/@DoctorRamani
Grey Rock method worked against a particularly toxic work conflict that was keeping me awake at night... but... the reality was that it produced zero work results for any of us.
After a while they tended not to talk to me at family functions.
I use it when dealing with over-sharers or people who are after a reaction and attention.
Edit: Oh lol. I guess you just have to click the captcha. Never seen that in an archive before.
Though it might possibly vary depending where you come from, using cloudflare for dns, what browser plugins in effect, etc.
It's kind of like how religious people can only conceptualize atheism as the atheist religion. Atheists don't even use the lower-case word atheism, since that already makes an absense of a thing into a thing. The same way they aren't alunafromagists (don't believe the moon is made of cheese).
It's goofy.
This has the effect of completely disabling people who thrive on causing drama, or people like my neighbour who only seem to be content when everyone else is making accommodations for her poorly-behaved kid and/or telling her how hard her life must be.
People like that will decide one day that they’re not getting enough attention so they will create situations where they have the opportunity to be offended about $issueDuJour. Grey-rocking prevents them from their parasocial behavior using you as leverage.